Floating on air

Yesterday I got a hit of the most potent drug. It wasn’t morphine and it wasn’t Dex, it was a heady mix of adrenaline and hope.

I was lucky enough to be able to buy an e-bike not long ago. When I bought it I was between hospital stays and was fairly poorly but decided to go for it – mainly to give me a target to aim for. I had no idea if I would actually get to ride it or not.

Well, yesterday I did. The bike took the load (my legs have nothing to give at the moment) and I was blown away by the power and ability of the bike. I was also lucky to be joined by all my biking friends from near and far who had come to join and support me on this big step forward. I was absolutely buzzing. I was back on the hill with the wind in (what’s left of) my hair. It was incredibly emotional. I was back where I belong. Outdoors.

We managed a modest local loop and everyone had a smile on their face when we got home for hot pasties and mugs of tea. I’ve never felt so loved and supported – and it gave me real hope that all is not lost and I can still look forward to doing some (all?) of the things I love with those who mean so much to me. Skiing and diving are both on the long ambition list! Baby steps..

Today has been payback day though. I clearly used more energy yesterday in one go than I have for weeks (months?) and today I’ve been totally whacked. At times I’ve felt dangerously low on energy and had a funny turn this morning but thankfully felt better with some calories on board which continues to be a daily challenge with no taste and mouth ulcers the size of dinner plates.

Still, it could be so much worse. I so lucky I got to spend a damp Saturday getting muddy on a bike with great friends and it transported me to a special place and made me feel invincible, just for an hour or two – but that was worth its weight in gold (or e-bikes?). Thanks to everyone for coming out to play and being by my side – it really meant the world to me and has armed me for the next cycle.

Back in for treatment on Wednesday so braced for a return to sofa time and a collection of weird and wonderful side effects. Fingers crossed the ninja Pac-Men are making themselves at home and doing the job.

TTFN

M